


Love is War

by DeviantWerewolf



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-05 07:25:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3111164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeviantWerewolf/pseuds/DeviantWerewolf





	1. Chapter 1

It’s such a strange feeling being watched all of the time, being “protected”, though it’s not like I’m not used to it. But this is different. Things have changed since Haven. The Mages and Templars are somewhat getting along. A common goal has gotten them talking each other and sharing stories, though neither side completely trusts each other, yet. Can’t say I can’t blame them. Templars are fed stories to make them either fear mages or hate them or both. Growing up outside the circle and then forced in at an older age because of my own stupidity, has given me a chance to see why each hate either and a larger respect for both sides. I always understood why the Templars did what they did. They have to be cold. If they become comfortable and chummy with their charges, feelings grow and they can’t do their jobs properly. Though I’m not saying that they’re right in what they do. Both have their faults. None the less, I’m happy that the Breach has done some good.   
I breathed a deep sigh and looked away from the massive war table. I liked the little war table better at Haven. It just had something about it. Now it’s a pile of ash… Damn dragon-archdemon thing. Maybe we were getting too comfortable in Haven. We have stepped up our game since being in Skyhold. Almost needed to have what happened. Just to get knocked off of our pedestal that we placed ourselves on.  
As I looked up I noticed Cullen being more twitchy than usual. What is it with Templars and being twitchy? Even my older twin brothers are twitchy. They joined so they could protect me from the crazy Templars and they became crazy Templars themselves. Thankfully they quit being Templars after Kirkwall and after the circles fell. Still twitchy, but they were kind of twitchy before. You go stir-crazy being a noble child and not allowed to do anything fun. Can’t disgrace the family, I did that big time. It was so worth it.  
I watched Cullen for a moment; he was reading something that one of the scouts gave him. Hand always on his sword. What is he expecting to happen? That I’ll become an abomination? Or better yet, every mage here in Skyhold will become an abomination. That would be a sight to see. Okay I really need to stop thinking like that. My circle was amazing. My brothers were there. I was allowed to leave anytime I wanted. Though I bet my father’s money helped with that. Need to stay positive about the Templars. Wow, even I was brain washed while I was in the circle.   
Cullen ran his fingers through his hair and then rubbed the back of his neck. The man is pretty. I have to give him that. As I watched him read, he became more uncomfortable. Either he realized I was watching him or there was something in that report that made him uneasy. His uneasiness disappeared as fast as it came and he became twitchy again. Though this twitchiness seemed different than the other Templars, I think it’s more the need to protect. But it’s not the same as it would be if he had a charge to “protect”. He was very upset about Haven. I mean who wasn’t? Though I keep thinking back to the first time we spoke at Skyhold. He was doing what he always does, keeping everyone and everything in line. I swear if we didn’t have him around, there would be mass chaos. We’d probably still have Templars and Mages fighting if he didn’t put his foot down every once in a while. He kept everything running.   
That day he looked exhausted. He clearly hadn’t slept in a fortnight. Probably hadn’t eaten either. Though he seemed more relaxed when I walked over; his eyes soften every flirty joke I said to him. It is fun watching him get all uncomfortable with me. The thought of losing him at Haven, made my stomach flip. He’s a good friend and an excellent commander. It would be a tragedy if we lost him. The words he said to me that day still stick. “I will not allow the events at Haven happen again. You have my word.” One could read so much into that. Though I know better, Templars and Mages don’t mix well.  
I flushed from my thoughts and turned my attentions to my other advisors. Leliana and Josephine were reading something as well; I kind of felt awkward without my own piece of paper to read. Both Leliana and Josephine were grinning from ear to ear. They must be reading the same report. Something that would make the girls grin would obviously make Cullen twitch, I needed to know.  
I glanced back down at the war table. Markers placed all over Thedas, people needing our help. The simplest things as collecting herds to the most difficult; some grand ball in Orlais came to mind. I hated balls and parties. My family loved them. Well my distant family. My immediate family couldn’t have cared less.  
As I looked across the map, I noticed a marker being placed in the exact area where my family held land. I looked up to see Leliana with a grin across her face.  
“Tis where your family is, is it not?” Her mischievous grin changed to a sweet smile. I can easily see why she was so good at “The Game”.  
I nodded. “That’s about where my father’s land is.” I chewed my inner cheek. “I can’t see why he’d ask for our help. My family is tied closely to the Chantry and the Inquisition is not.”   
I looked at my three advisors. Each waiting for me to say something. Anything at all. I’m dumb founded. I shrugged my shoulders hoping that would release so tension off of me. Those three can be so stubborn. Always waiting on me for me to make a decision, my job can be so stressful sometimes.   
Leliana watched me closely as I squirmed under their prying eyes. “You don’t know why your father sent a request in? Your brother’s haven’t said anything to you at all?”  
I stared at Leliana. “Did I not tell you to stop reading my mail?”  
“You did.” She responded.  
“And?” I crossed my arm. Trying to protect any dignity I had, which I usually had none to speak of. I know that she reads everything that comes and goes out of Skyhold. That’s what we all agreed upon. We need to protect the Inquisition. Though the letters I sent were personal and not all of the letters were to my brothers that I sent back home. The letters usually sent home were to my best friend, River who became a sister-in-law when she married my brother, Vincent. Elf mage too boot. That was quite the wedding and the sandal it caused. Probably the best party I’ve been too. The letters I sent to her were extremely private and Leliana knew this. Well she learnt this after I had a melt down on her about reading them. I do recall knives being thrown. Some fireballs, maybe. That was fun. The most action Leliana has seen in a while. Leliana understood after that. There were things that were written on those parchments that really shouldn’t have reached paper. Damn you brain.   
“I did not read your mail… This time. A letter was sent to each of us. Apparently you’d just throw yours away and wouldn’t say anything to us about it.” Leliana handed me an envelope with my family seal holding it all together.   
I took the envelope from her slowly. I looked at the three of them. “Maybe I should read this prior to the request that has been placed on the table. From each of your reactions, I might want to be prepared.”  
Josephine, still grinning nodded in agreement. “I think it would be the best for you to learn what needs to be done before we discuss this further.”  
Cullen shakes his head. “No. We do not need to be discussing this any further. There is no need for any discussion at all.”  
“Awe, what is wrong Commander? Is there something you don’t like about the situation that has arisen from these letters?” Leliana waved her letter around in front of his face.  
Cullen’s cheeks turned a new shade of rosy red as Leliana teased him. “I, uh,” No words could come out of the man’s mouth. We were so lucky we were behind closed doors. If the men could see him now, how easy it is to make our commander turn to mush by three attractive women. The Chantry doesn’t do well at teaching their men to be smooth with the opposite sex. And I’m not being sexist. Every female Templar I’ve met, including my sister-in-law, Alice had no problems with men. They were either really strong and didn’t care much for being hit on or they knew they were sexy and went with it. Chantry boys are just naive.   
I grinned. Cullen was so easy to fluster. It was so cute to watch him twitch like this. I looked down at the letter. There must be something in these letters that make him so uncomfortable. Does it have something to do with me? My eldest brother still needs to be married. Maybe that’s what my father wants. Though I don’t think it’s as simple as that. Something’s up.  
I looked back up from my letter and smiled. “Leliana, I think our Commander has had enough teasing for one day. Let him leave with some dignity. I think we can break for the day and go back to our other duties.” I placed my letter in my inner jacket pocket. “Same time tomorrow everyone, unless later works for everyone?”  
“Later would work best for me.” Leliana announced as she cleaned her papers up.  
“I have to meet with Lady Mistborn tomorrow around noon. Later would work.” Josephine stated as she looked down at her papers.  
Cullen shrugged. “I guess later it is.” His cheeks still flushed as he looked at me. “Until tomorrow.”  
We all exited the war room in silence. No one could say we didn’t look professional. We never continued War Room conversations out in the open. We don’t need someone to leak important information.  
Leliana and Josephine stayed in Josephine’s study to go over a couple things that needed to be done prior to traveling to the Winter Palace. Leliana said something about teaching Cullen and I to dance. I didn’t even want to think about what’s going to happen that night. I shivered at the thought.  
“Are you alright?” Cullen asked as we walked to Throne Room. Glancing down at me with his golden brown eyes, I could get lost in those eyes… Dammit! I really need to keep my thoughts in check.  
I nodded. “I’m alright. I was just thinking about the Winter Palace.”  
“Makes you shiver at the thought as well?” He said softy as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t like the thought of it. Makes me uncomfortable, well any party does.”  
“No partying for the Templars, eh? The Chantry sounds a little dull. Though that’s not always a bad thing, you do less dumb things that people can see. It’s a lot better than torching your brother at your Great Aunt’s party with a candle. Though it as funny as it was.” Why did I just tell him that? Oh I’m going to regret that later.  
Cullen chuckled. “You lit you brother on fire at a party? You might want to sit the Winter Palace out then.”  
I nodded. “Sadly I must be there. Though I think Josephine would prefer if I wasn’t.” I waved at Varric. He was sitting in his usual spot in front of the fireplace. I walked with Cullen a little longer until we got to the fireplace. “See you later Commander.”  
“Inquisitor.” One word and off he went. I watched him go. I didn’t even try to hide it.  
Varric leaned around his chair to look at what I was watching. “I don’t understand women some times. They always go for the blondes. Hawke’s the same. Anders has her so wrapped around her finger.”  
I looked at Varric. “What are you going on about? You know you really shouldn’t say their names around here. Cassandra might over hear.”  
Varric shook his head. “Nah, she knows that I sent letters to them.”  
“Now she does” I insisted. Varric had hid some important information from Cassandra prior to the creation of the Inquisition. Varric’s best friend, Hawke was the Champion of Kirkwall and supported the Mage rebellion. Cassandra needed her help to run the Inquisition. She wanted to stop the Mage Templar war. I guess I should be thankful that Varric had kept Hawke hidden from Cassandra otherwise I probably wouldn’t be where I was.  
Varric frowned and then nodded. We sat in silence for a few moments watching the fire. Varric looked at where I had found myself a spot to sit. “How was the meeting?” Varric’s way of making small talk, he didn’t do well with silence.  
I glanced over at him. “It was alright. Thankfully didn’t last long.”  
“What’s wrong, Rowen? Don’t like being in Curley’s company?” The dwarf knew how to make me flush.  
I sighed and looked back at the fire. I was close enough to the fire that it could be considered the cause of my bright red cheeks. Don’t play his game, Rowen. You know better. “Of course I like being in the Commander’s company. He’s a dear friend.”  
“I bet he is.” A thick Tevinter accent came from my left.  
I looked over to see Dorian leaning on the door frame. How long has he been here? Knowing Dorian, the entire time. I sighed and ignored him. “Anyways, we cut it short due to the fact that everyone in the War Room had been given letters from my father.”  
“Oh father troubles, eh? I can relate.” Dorian took two strides and perched himself on my chair’s arm rest with grace and ease.  
“I know you can, my friend. I don’t really have troubles with my father. I’m confused that he sent all of my advisors letters and myself asking for help, saying that I would just throw the letter away. Does that really sound like me?” I looked from Dorian to Varric. Both shook their heads.  
“Exact opposite of you, my dear though you have peaked my interest in the matter. What did the letter say?” Dorian leaned back on the chair’s head rest, completely taking over my personal space. I moved over so he could join me on the chair. Dorian slid right in and propped me onto his lap like a small child. There I sat on his lap. People here must think there’s something going on between us. The flirting going on between us could start rumors. A shit load of scandal, though I think everyone in Skyhold knows that Dorian and I are just very, very close friends. Can’t get any closer to him without being in a relationship, not sure I’d want to be in a relationship with him. He’s kind of needy some days. That and he prefers men over women. Completely okay with that, wouldn’t have it any other way. Who else would people watch with me and talk about boys. That’s something we have and no one can take from us.  
I sighed. “I don’t know. I haven’t read it yet.” I reached into the inner pocket of my jacket and pulled the letter out. “I think I might wait until the evening to read it or tomorrow morning. It’s probably not all that important.”  
Varric arched an eyebrow. “Seems pretty important to me if your father sent a copy to all three of your advisors. Maybe you should read it sooner.”  
I nodded in agreement. “I guess you’re right, though I was going to suggest a game of Wicked Grace.” I smiled at both Dorian and Varric. I started to stand. “I doubt anyone really wants to play anyways. I think everyone is getting sick of it.” I hide my mischievous grin from Varric full well knowing that he could never turn down a game of Wicked Grace.  
Don’t ever tell me that Dwarves aren’t fast. Varric was up and at the entrance the Throne Room before I was standing. “Let me go round up a couple more people and I’ll meet you two at Herald’s Rest.” And off he went to find more people to play.  
Dorian and I looked at one another and laughed. Too see such childishness among strong and professional adults trying to save the world was refreshing. We smiled at one another. I helped the pretty boy out of the chair and we made our way to the tavern.


	2. Chapter 2

I’m not sure what time in the morning it was when Dorian and I finally staggered away from the tavern, probably really early in the morning or really late at night. Doesn’t matter. This always happens when we play Wicked Grace. Someone ends up without clothes, under the table or lucky enough to be face first on the table. I think Sera was left under the table… again. Cassandra was face first on the table this time and Blackwall ended up with no clothes on, though he did handle it well. He acted like he had all of his armor on and walked head held high to the stables. Can’t say I didn’t stare. He’s a little too old for me and there’s something about him I can’t get past. But I will admit. He’s a damn good looking man under all of that armor.  
I felt bad for anyone that had to see the display that Dorian and I were performing. Something about two intoxicated mages singing and dancing together as they somehow made it across the yard to the keep is what nightmares are made of. If someone didn’t know better, they would have thought we were performing some type of blood ritual. And a terrible one at that. We weren’t the quietest drunks either. I beat everyone in Skyhold knew what was going on. This only happens on a weekly basis… Okay that’s a lie. Probably happens every other day. We need to let off steam somehow and spending it with each other is the best way I can think of. Oh the stories I could tell.   
Bull followed us making sure that we, and I truly mean Dorian ended up where we were supposed to be and not face first on the steps like the last time. Best sleep I think I have ever had. I can still remember waking up to Cullen staring down at both us with a very unimpressed look on his face. Maybe he was jealous of where Dorian had placed his head and that he was acting like a big spoon, probably why I was so comfortable. That man doesn’t know personal space what so ever. I can’t understand why Cullen would be jealous of Dorian. The man is gay and my best friend. Cullen and I are friends and he is my advisor. I can never ever see Cullen trying something on me even if he was interested. Either way, after that night someone was DD duty. Drunken Dorian duty. He apparently leads me astray as quoted by Cullen after a very long talk about my actions in the War Room. It was almost like my father was here in Skyhold.  
We slowly made our way up the steps when I turned and looked at Bull. “Why don’t you two head to your room Bull? I’m sure I can make it to my room.” The look on Bull’s face meant I wasn’t even sober enough to speak. I shook my head and continued to my quarters.   
Once at the door beside the throne, I looked back to the empty Throne Room. I smiled. No sign of Dorian or Bull. Good on them for finding love in a place like this. At least someone is getting laid tonight. I sighed at my sexual frustration. I’m too scary to normal, tis what Sera tells me. Everyone just forgets that I’m a person and not an icon, Varric continues to remind me that every time we spend time together. Makes me a little lonely to think everyone is too scared to talk to me.   
I leaned against the door to my quarters and pulled out my father’s letter. It seemed like it had something within it. Maybe it’s best to open it when I’m in my quarters and have the rest of the night to sleep of whatever drink Bull was pouring into my cup tonight.   
Just as I was about to reach for the door handle, I heard a noise come from the fireplace. The ambers were smothered hours ago. There was no one in here but myself. Or so I told myself. I placed my letter back into my pocket and wandered down the hall. Flame in hand. I stood at the table in front of the fireplace and looked around. There was not there and nothing had been moved from its place.   
As I looked around a gleam of silver light reflecting from my mage fire caught my eye. There stood Cullen in the doorway to Solas’s room still in armor. I arched my eye brow at him. “I’m surprised you’re up, Commander. I guess you heard Dorian and I in the yard.” I tried to make myself look presentable while holding myself up with the table. At least I was no longer slurring my words. “I was just off to bed. Bull’s on DD duty. So don’t worry. I wasn’t being led astray again.” It sounded a lot more sarcastic than it was meant to.  
Cullen stood there. He didn’t say anything. He still looks like he hasn’t slept in a fortnight. I watched him for a few more moments. Unsure if there was something wrong.  
“Cullen, are you alright? You don’t look well.” I walked over to the young Templar and noticed that he had fallen asleep standing up. Was he waiting for the game to finish up? He was probably waiting to make sure that Dorian and I were behaving and not falling asleep on the steps. It did happen a lot. I have to admit.  
I watched him for a few more moments, studying his features. He looked so calm standing there. I moved my mage fire up just to get a better look at his face. Such a handsome man, I can’t even describe how handsome. Every feature I looked over turned me on. I just wanted to kiss every part of this man. Make him relax. I felt so bad for him consistently up in that office of his. Never leaving to do anything fun. I have to say. My favorite part of him is his lips. They’re just so perfect. Even with the scar. I want to kiss him to make any pain that he has go away. There was something dark there, a dark past that he won’t share to anyone.  
I backed off a little. I can’t be like Dorian and be in everyone’s space. Especially when you’re going to wake them, kind of creepy waking someone while you’re right in their space.   
I smiled. “Oh Cullen, I don’t believe the Throne Room is a good place to be sleeping.”  
Cullen slowly opened his eyes and looked at me. He stared at me for a long moment and then shook away the sleep. “Inquisitor, I, uh,”  
I raised my hand in protest. “Don’t need to explain yourself Cullen. Someone needs to keep order. But I don’t think you need to do it all of the time. Get some rest. Maybe get laid.”  
Both Cullen and I redden. Maybe I need to stop drinking or stop talking to Cullen while I’m drunk. “Well I’m going to bed.” I turned quickly on my heels and headed straight to my quarters. “Have a good night Commander.” I didn’t even give him any chance to respond. I moved too quickly. If he did respond, it was probably a shy little good night.   
I opened and closed the door to my quarters. I leaned on the closed door. “Great job Rowen. Tell your commander that he needs to get laid. What else would a man do with his time?” I sighed and started to walk up the stairs to my room. Why do I have to have the room at the top of the tower? I was more than content with the balcony that Vivienne enjoys. She’d be much more content with my room.  
I finally made it up to the top of the tower. One wave of my hand and all of the torches lit the room. I looked around at the beauty of it. I glanced at my bad. Oh it looked so welcoming. I sighed and pulled the letter from my pocket and opened it. I walked over to my bed and sat down. On the paper was my father’s hand writing. He made it personnel. He never writes his own letters. It must be important. So I began to read;  
My dearest Rowen,  
It’s been some time since your mother and I have seen you. We hope you’re doing well. We have heard from your cousin that you are working hard to fix the world’s problems. She said something about you settling a family dispute. This Breach is concerning and I hope that the Marker guides and protects you well.   
I apologize for being so forward and sending letters to your advisors. I knew it was the only way that you would read this letter. I feared you’d see the family crest and toss away the letter. Or so your mother has told me. Though your brothers use the crest so I doubt you’d toss the letter.  
Now that the Mages and the Templars are no longer fighting and there is no sign of the circles being rebuilt any time soon. I thought we should jump on the chance to throw the yearly gathering. Have everyone come and visit. Spend some time together, drink, and tell some stories before you go off to battle this Corypheus creature. Maker knows it’ll be a battle of the ages, though you probably have some time before you have to face him one on one. Please let that it be so.  
Your mother wishes me to put this into the letter as well. “I wish for you to come home and stop this foolishness of being this “Inquisitor”. You’re a Lady of the house Trevelyan and as such you must live up to your duties. I have young man from the House Malice awaiting your arrival. He wishes to meet you.” Those are your mother’s words. Not mine.  
Though it is always up to you my sweet little lion, you know I only want to see you happy. I know for a fact you are. You always enjoyed helping others. Even when you placed into the circle you continued to help people as best as you could.  
Every time your mother and I hear stories of what you have achieved, we cringe at the thought of you in danger even though we know you’re doing what you believe is right.  
Please Rowen, come to the party. I know you hate them, but you would make your old man happy if you showed. I just wanted to tell you that your mother made me send the other letters to your advisors. Only because she wants to set you up with someone and pretty much tell them that they have no right to keep you there. You have more important duties than saving the world. I honestly believe that my little girl can wait as long as she wants before she is wed.  
With love, your old man  
P.s. I think you’ll be wanting your locket back. I guess you had good reason to leave it with me before you went to the Conclave. Your hunches were always scarcely accurate.   
I sat on my bed looking at each word on the paper. My father is a wonderful man. Being his only daughter, I guess I could go to the party. Telling my mother off would be fun as well. Damn her for thinking that I need a man… Okay I need a man, but not for the reason she wants one for me.  
I read the letter a couple more times. Just reading it made me miss home. I pulled my locket out of the envelope. The Trevelyan crest on one side and the Templar crest on the other. My family is mostly made up of Templars and Mages. Maybe it’s the reason behind being so neutral when it comes to the Mage-Templar war. My father is a mage and my mother a Templar. Well ex-templar. My older twin brothers, Vincent and Shepherd both are ex-templars as well. Shepherd married Alice who also is an ex-templar. The only one out of my brothers that isn’t either a mage or a templar is my eldest brother, Thatcher.  
People think that the Trevelyans are close to the Chantry. Well there’s a reason behind that. My family has held land for Marker knows how long. There were always problems keeping the land. It was always threatened by the Chantry. They believe that the blood line is “tainted” with magic. To keep the secret, too keep the land and too keep the Chantry off of the Trevelyan family, my family started to hire Templars to be guards and protect the family from any problems that come from magic. After many years, some of the templars found themselves becoming a part of the family and the Templar guards weren’t needed.  
Could that be the reasoning behind my attraction to Cullen? I’m not attracted to him. He’s just a very good friend. Yup that’s it. Continue to be in denial, Rowen completely healthy. Not like I have time for romance like Bull and Dorian. I sighed.   
I sat up, placed the letter on my desk. Got ready for bed and settled in for the night. Tomorrow is going to be another full day.


	3. Chapter 3

By midmorning I was up and wandering the halls of Skyhold. I slept well. The alcohol kicked in and gave me wonderful dreams in the fade. Many from my childhood, riding and training my beautiful black stallion. I missed riding for fun. No one here really seems the horseback riding type.  
I continued walking up to where I usually find Dorian reading; though this time I did not find him reading. I found him with a book open, yes. But his eyes were closed and his heavy head was leaning on his hand barely kept up by his arm on the arm rest.  
I grinned. This is my favorite part of going out drinking with Dorian, waking him up the next morning. He clearly had a long night with myself and Bull. Most people would let him sleep. But I’m not like most people. Not in the slightest. I could either scare the living Marker out of him or snuggle up to him and wake him gently. Both are always good for a laugh. If Bull didn’t tell me that he was with Dorian, I would have found out sooner or later. Dorian talks in his sleep. I learned some interesting things perched on the arm rest in the early mornings.  
I tip-toed my way over to him. I slowly sat down on the arm rest, trying not to wake him. Trying is the main thing. I have no grace. I’m extremely clumsy. I’d fall over my own shadow if it were possible. I rolled my hip to balance myself. Within seconds I was in Dorian’s lap looking up at him.  
Dorian’s arm slipped off of its rest and he snorted awake. Very ungraceful like of him, though he still looked good doing it. Damn him.   
Dorian looked down at me with sleep filled eyes. He smiled. “Well, well. Look at what has fallen into my lap. A beautiful, red headed woman. Funny thing is I’m not like most men. I don’t want to have beautiful women falling into my lap in the morning.” Dorian didn’t move and made no attempt to move me. He closed his book. “Good morning Rowen. Did you sleep well? I certainly did.” Boyish grin came across Dorian’s face that told me everything I needed to know.  
I smiled up at Dorian and made myself more comfortable. “I did sleep well. I read my father’s letter last night. It was very interesting. Though the high light of my night was with Cullen.”  
Dorian looked at me with shock. “You didn’t! You finally made your move on him. Thank the Maker! I knew you had a thing for strapping young Templars.”  
I flushed and looked away from him for a moment. “Uh, Dorian nothing like that happened. Nor will it ever. Just after Bull took you to his room, I heard a noise at the fireplace. I found Cullen leading on the doorway to Solas’s room. Standing and asleep.” I sighed and looked at Dorian. “I told him that he needed something to distress. I pretty much told him that he needed to get laid.”  
Dorian laughed, longer than he needed to in fact. “That’s almost better! Oh Rowen. If I didn’t know you better, I would have thought that you grew up in the circle and had never been with a man. That’s adorable. So what happened? Did he confess his undying love to you? Did you two ride off into the sunrise?”  
I stared at Dorian. I’m glad he’s getting enjoyment out of my pain. “I’m glad you’re enjoying the lows of my life. But of course he confessed his love to me and we rode out on the most beautiful white horse you would have ever seen.” I said sarcastically, while rolling my eyes.   
“Oh darling, don’t be sore. I’m only teasing. You turned tail and ran. That’s the only thing I can see you doing. You two are so awkward. It’s adorable. I’m sorry for teasing you. What did the letter say?” Dorian sat me up so I was sitting straight up. This was easier to keep eye contact. Dorian always kept eye contact with me when I needed to tell him something that was important to me. The man had few friends, but he knew how to keep the few friends he had. Listening and caring was one of the ways.  
“It was from my father. He pretty much asked me to come back home for a party even though he knows I don’t like them. There’s a problem though. My mother had taken it upon herself to arrange a blind date. Well blind date isn’t really what she did. She pretty much told me that I’m to wed some weirdo Lord. Or soon to be Lord or want to be Lord. Gotta love being of noble birth.” I sighed. “I wanted to go back to see my family, but I don’t want to go back because of that.” Dorian knew exactly how I felt. Being forced to marry someone that you don’t like because your family believes its right happens all across Thedas.   
Dorian smiled. “It’s simple, Rowen. Go back. See your family and dump the loser. Come back ravish Cullen. It’s prefect.”  
“What is it with you? Why do you keep forcing the idea of Cullen and I? I don’t have time for a lover. I need to defeat Corypheus. It is different here Dorian, Mages don’t get married. We don’t have families.” I looked down at my hands. River was lucky enough to find my brother. To be in a family that was welcoming enough to bring another mage into the family as well as an elf.   
Dorian looked at me softly. “I’m sorry darling.” He sighed. “I’ll stop the teasing. I honestly thought you had feelings for him. The way you look at him and the way you talk to one another. You throw subtle flirty hints. Though he’s so naïve that he probably doesn’t even notice them… That’s probably not making you feel better. Hungry? Let’s go get something to eat.” Dorian wrapped his arms around me. He lifted me with ease out of his lap as he stood and placed me on my feet.  
“Breakfast sounds wonderful.” I looked at Dorian. He looked so upset. I smiled. “Don’t worry Dorian. It’s just the way it’s always been and that’s the way it’ll always be.” I took his hand and we walked down to the kitchens together.  
***  
Hours flew by. Usually happens when Dorian and I spend time together. Though our time together really wasn’t together. We sit across from each other with books in hand. We could be mistaken for an elderly couple some days. I was enjoying my novel when a young Templar walked over to me. I slowly looked up. He must have been a new recruit. Not many of the seasoned Templars would step foot into Solas’s room. They weren’t comfortable with an open apostate.   
I smiled at him. “Good afternoon. What can I do for you?”  
Dorian glanced up from his book. Gave the young Templar a quick once over and then went back to his book. Whatever this boy needed to tell me, it wasn’t any of his business. He’ll just block whatever is said out. Dorian knew I’d discuss it later with him anyways.  
The Templar shifted uneasily. “Commander Cullen wishes to speak to you, Lady Inquisitor.”  
I looked from the Templar to Dorian and then back. Dorian was looking as shocked as I was. Okay he doesn’t always block things out. Did Cullen want to discuss what I said last night? Scold me like he’s done before. I shifted in my seat. “I’ll be there when I can.”  
“He insisted that you come right away, massacre.” The boy continued to look uncomfortable.  
I nodded. Closed my book and stood. I looked at Dorian. “I’ll see you later. After my meetings?”  
Dorian glanced up at me. “Of course my dear, maybe get the group together for dinner.”  
I laughed. “Sounds like a plan. But let’s behave for once. Prove to Cullen that we don’t lead each other astray.”  
Dorian joined in with my laughter. “I honestly think you’re the one who leads me astray.”  
“Oh yes. Blame me. It’s not my boyfriend pouring the drinks.” I placed my book down on my chair and then walked over to the young Templar.  
Dorian rolled his eyes. “Oh yes. Blame Bull for everything… Wait yes! Blame Bull. He’s become our scapegoat.” Dorian continued to laugh as the young Templar and I walked to Cullen’s office.  
I looked at the young man. He kept his hand on his sword. Again with the sword? No one is going to become an abomination. I sighed. “So did our Commander say anything about why he wants to speak to me?”  
The Templar kept walking and didn’t speak to me. Oh wow, I feel like I’m the circle again. Great…  
We walked in silence until we made it to Cullen’s office. The young Templar opened the door and stepped in front of me. “Commander Cullen, Lady Inquisitor is here as requested.”  
Cullen looked up from his desk and waved for me to enter. The Templar moved out of my way. Allowing myself to clearly see Cullen and walk in. This is highly unusual. Cullen never sends anyone to summon me and I usually just walk in when I come to visit. No knocking. No doorman. So weird.  
“Thank you.” I said to the young man. I walked past him and into the room. The door closed behind me.  
I looked at Cullen. He had both hand on his desk and was leaning forward reading the papers in front of him. He didn’t have his sword on his belt. It was leaning on his desk. I quietly stood at the doorway.  
Cullen sighed and then looked up at me. He rubbed the back of his neck. “About last night.”  
I waved at him to stop. “Don’t worry about Cullen. I was drunk. You know I say stupid things when I’m drunk. You don’t need to apologize to me. I need to apologize to you. So, I’m sorry about what I said last night and I promise to stop drinking whatever Iron Bull pours into my drink.” I smiled sweetly. I was dreading seeing him today. I didn’t want to have this conversation. “Is that everything Commander?” I didn’t even give him a chance to talk. I really need to stop doing that. I’ve been doing that a lot lately.  
Cullen stood up. “Rowen, I still need to apologize. You were right about my intentions. I was waiting to make sure that you made it to your room, uh, I mean you and Dorian. You two have been drinking a lot lately and I, uh…” He rubbed the back of his neck. He’s so cute when he does it, though I know he does it because he is unsure of himself. I can’t see why a strong man like himself with so much confidence in commanding an army be so unsure of himself around me.   
I watched Cullen pace behind his desk. Is he concerned about me? I know I’ve been drinking and staying up a lot lately, but it’s not causing anyone harm. Maybe annoyance? Is he annoyed with me because I’m out having fun and letting off steam and he’s stuck in here? Is he regretting making my Inquisitor? “What’s really wrong Cullen? You’ve been acting strange lately. I can’t see you having a problem with Dorian. Even if he is Tevinter, he doesn’t use blood magic and neither do I. You know this. Do you have a problem with me?”  
Cullen stopped pacing and stared at me. “Of course I don’t!” Taken back from his outburst, Cullen cleared his throat. “Of course I don’t Rowen. Far from that.” Cullen looked down. “I’m sorry I’ve been acting strange. Did you, uh, read the letter from your father?”  
I nodded. “I did. It wasn’t as of a big deal as everyone was making out to be yesterday.”  
“Oh…” Cullen answered quietly. That simple word made my stomach ache. I looked a Cullen. He walked back to his desk. Surprisingly he was good at hiding emotions. “We will speak in the War Room. I have other things to do at the moment. Thank you for coming.”  
I nodded and then walked out. I stood outside the closed door. That was the weirdest conversation I’ve ever had with Cullen. He never summons me and he NEVER casts me aside. Why is this bothering me so much? We’re friends and we can be nothing more as much as I want to be. Do I want there to be something more?  
I stood outside Cullen’s door for a while, thinking. I came to realize that I do want something more. I want that strong and handsome man to be mine. I don’t care that he’s a Templar and I’m a mage. I don’t care that he commands my army. I don’t care that my mother has decided that she needed to play match maker. I need him to be mine.  
I turned around and walked about into Cullen’s office. He was still alone. Great just the way I wanted it.  
Cullen looked up at from his desk. “Was there something you needed Rowen? I’m awfully busy right now.”  
“I need to talk to you Cullen. Alone?” I walked to him.  
Cullen looked at me confused. “Alone?” He looked around the empty room. “We are alone.”  
I walked over to the door that lead to the battlements. I glanced back at him.  
“I mean, of course.” Cullen walked over to his desk, grabbed his sword and placed back on his belt. Of course he would do that. He then walked over to me and opened the door.  
We walked side by side along the overlook in awkward silence. I had to do something. Cullen was upset about something and I wanted to confess my attraction to him. This is going to end terribly…  
Cullen seemed more awkward as usual. He rubbed the back of his neck as we walked. “It’s uh, a nice day.”  
I stopped and started at him. “What?”  
Cullen continued to rub the back of his neck and then slowly lowered his arm “It’s… There was something you wished to discuss?”  
My heart began to race. This is the moment. I have to tell him how I feel. It might make things more awkward for a while if he doesn’t share my feelings. But I can’t go on like this. Why does Dorian have to be right all of the time? Damn him. I’m never going to live this down once he finds out.  
I took a deep breath as I looked at him. “Cullen, I care for you, and…” I released my breath into a short sigh.  
“What’s wrong?” He watched me with his golden brown eyes. Concern came across his face. Even after our previous awkward discussion.   
I looked up at him. It’s now or never Rowen. “You left the Templars, but do you trust mages?” I looked down at his sword and then back at him. He followed my gaze and looked back at me. “Could you think of me as anything more?”  
“I could. I mean, I-I-I do… think of you. And what I might say in this sort of situation.” Cullen brought his hand up to his head like this was causing him a headache. He started to walk again and stopped.  
I followed. “What’s stopping you?” My heart is racing. I can’t breathe. I’ve never felt like this. I’ve spoken to men about these kinds of things before, but this feeling is different.  
“You’re the Inquisitor. We’re at war. And you… I didn’t think it was possible.” Cullen slowly moved closer to me, never taking his eyes off of me. He has me pinned against the wall. Even if I tried to run now, I couldn’t and I really don’t want too.  
“And yet I’m still here.” I replied. That was the only thing my brain could think of for a reply. I’m not usual witty self. My mind is swimming. I wish I could breathe right now. He’s being so calm and collected. Confident would be the word to describe him perfectly at this moment in time. Clearly not the man Leliana and Josephine were teasing yesterday. I’m extremely attracted to him right now.  
“So you are… It seems too much to ask.” Cullen slowly moved his right hand down to my waist. Then his left hand followed suit. I was clearly not going anywhere now. He was now inches from my face. His lips right there for me to claim as my own. “But I want too-” He moves in to kiss me. The world around me is disappearing. It’s only us. There’s no war. No fighting. Just us.  
“Commander!” I’m snapped back to reality. Both of us open our eyes and look at each other. I try to catch my breath. Cullen continues to hold me. I turn my head away. Trying not to make this more awkward than it is. Our moment was interrupted. Probably gone forever. Damn it. Why do we have to be two of the most important people in Skyhold?  
“Sir, you wanted a copy of Sister Leliana’s report.” One of our scouts, I think his name is Walter walked over. Face down, reading the report as he walked. Thank the Maker. This might be salvaged.  
Cullen turned to face the intruder. Poor man doesn’t know what he’s walking into. “What?” Cullen demanded. He tried so hard not to sound like he was annoyed with the whole situation.   
“Sister Leliana’s report. You wanted it delivered “without delay.”” He replied. Honestly he was doing what he was told. Cullen and Leliana trained our men well. They don’t question anything that asked upon then and they get it done fast and efficiently.   
I watched the two exchange glances for a moment. Cullen was probably thinking about what to do next. I completely understood that he needed to take this report. War doesn’t stop just because we want it too. I looked away. No reason why I need to listen and stare at them.  
From the corner of my eye, I saw the poor scout look at me and then back to Cullen. “Or… To your office… Right…” And with that he was gone.  
I looked up, not looking at Cullen. “If you need to-” In one swift movement, Cullen took me by surprise. He held the side of my head and kissed me passionately. It was the best kiss I have ever had. His lips were so soft.  
We broke apart and looked at one another. I couldn’t remove the grin from my face. I probably looked like an idiot. Cullen looked at me with soft and concerned eyes. “I’m sorry… that was… um… really nice…” Within moments, the confident Cullen disappeared and my sweet shy Templar reappeared.  
I smiled at him. “That is what I wanted.” Yes! And the wit is back.  
“Oh.” A sly grin moved across Cullen’s face. “Good.” He leaned in and kissed me again. A softer kiss than from before, but with the same amount of passion.   
We broke apart after a few moments. Cullen held me close. He sighed. “We should get back to our duties, but I really don’t want too.”  
I smiled. “First I lead Dorian astray and now you. I’m going to need to stop going that.”  
Cullen laughed. “You temptress, you.” He rested his forehead against mine. “How are we going to do this? We barely find time for ourselves half the time.”  
“Don’t over think this for once. Over thinking causes problems. We’ll find away. I’ll come see you more often. We can share dinner while you read papers.” I rubbed my nose against his. “Don’t over think.”  
Cullen leaned back and looked at me. “Alright Rowen. I won’t over think this.” He smiled. “Dinner tonight after the meeting.”  
“Wouldn’t miss it.” I smiled.  
Cullen kissed me one last time before he left to go back to his office. Leaving a women love struck might not be the best plan usually. Leaving me love struck ends in disaster. I almost fell face first down the stone stairs that ended at the tavern. I think I might stay away from there for a while. I’m just going to go back to my chair and read my book. Act like nothing happened. Dorian won’t even notice that I returned. Excellent plan Rowen.  
I made my way back to my chair, trying so hard to keep composure. I’m actually flustered by what just happened. I feel like I’m sixteen again being chased by the young noble boys at my Great-Aunt’s parties. Who would have thought that I would find someone here of all places? Once I was placed into the circle I didn’t really think about trying to find anyone anymore. Family and love were no longer in my reach, but the circles have fallen and the Templar order is pretty much destroyed. I might actually be able to have a life after all of this… if I survive the final battle that is. Stay positive, Rowen.   
I made it to Dorian’s library, grabbed my book and made myself comfortable in my chair. If someone walked by and saw me lying in a ball in my chair they would probably think I was either crazy, which most think I am or that I was drunk. I think pretty much everyone thinks both together. I opened my book and let out a huge content sigh.  
Dorian looked up from his book, studied me for a few long moments. I could feel his eyes on me. Watching. Waiting. I just had to pretend a little longer. I’m never going to live any of this down. Shit! I just realized we were going to do dinner with everyone tonight and I said I was going to do dinner with Cullen. What am I going to do? I have to pretend I’m sick… But then Cullen will worry and I won’t get to spend dinner with him…  
I looked over at Dorian, who was still studying me. Stop watching me dammit. I know full well you know something is up. Just say something Rowen. He’ll keep staring at you until you do. I sighed again. “Sorry Dorian. Did I disturb you?” I smiled sweetly. Come on Dorian. Fall for it. Just believe me for once. Nothing happened between Cullen and I.  
“Of course not my dear.” He smiled. “How did the summoning go?”  
I looked at him confused. “The summoning?”  
Dorian gave me a look. “Cullen summoned you to his office. Something he never does. You were gone for quite some time too. I do notice when you’re gone. You have quite the aura about it and it is missed when you’re not here.”  
I smiled again. He is the sweetest man I have ever met and I can call him my best friend. “Awe Dorian. Did you miss me? That’s so sweet.”  
Dorian smiled. “Of course I missed you Rowen. I was waiting for you to get back so I could get all of the juicy gossip.”   
Of course that’s why he missed me. I sighed. “It went fine. Nothing to report. He just wanted to apologize about last night. He was making sure that we made to our rooms. That’s all.” I brought my book up to the front of my face and pretend to read it, trying to hide my beet red face. Just the thought of Cullen waiting for me and wanting to make sure I was okay made my flush.  
Dorian continued to watch me. “That’s all? That’s disappointing Rowen. For the amount of time you were gone. I thought you two were ravishing each other.”  
I chocked. “I’m sorry what?” I brought my book down and looked at Dorian. That was a bad idea. My face was probably redder than before. Shit I’ve blown my cover. Should have just gone up to my quarters.  
“You’re blushing! Something did happen” Dorian put his book down and leaned forward. “Tell me everything.”  
I tried to look for an escape. There was no way I’m going to brush this off. Dorian is just too aggressive for that. “Nothing happened, Dorian. We just talked.” I sat up. That’s not going to work. But at least I tried.  
Dorian shook his head. His eyes gleamed with wonder and grin made his moustache touch his eyes. “Rowen, don’t lie to me. I know something happened.” He studied me again. “I knew there was something up with you two after the day we all played chess. The pair of you played for hours.” He went quiet. “Unless you’d rather tell other people what happened first” The gleam and the grin erased from his face.  
Shit, he knows how to make me talk. I don’t like Dorian being sad. It makes me sad. I sighed. “It’s not like that Dorian.” I sat up. “We talked about last night. He brushed me off. I didn’t like it. I realized that I do like him.” I put my hand up before he could say anything. “Yes you were right. I do have feelings for him. So I needed to tell him and it couldn’t wait. The feeling of being brushed off like that pained me. So made him talk to me as we walked along the battlements. The talk ended up us sharing a kiss.” I smiled. “It was amazing.”  
Dorian’s cheshire cat like grin came back and his eyes began to sparkle. “So you two are a thing now. I love it. I’m so happy for you Rowen. You deserve happiness. You can’t go running around kill shit and have no reason to do it. You two have each other to protect now.”  
“Thanks Dorian. I’m going to be skipping out on dinner tonight, if that’s okay?” I placed my book back on the shelf. No use reading that any more. If Varric found out that I was reading Hard in Hightown, I would never live that down either. I stood up.  
“By all means my dear. Spend some time with him. I doubt you’d bring him with you to your family’s party.” Dorian leaned over to the other side of his chair. Rested his arm with book in hand and continued to read.   
I had completely forgotten about the party and that Lord. I’m going to have to talk to Cullen about this. Does he know about what my mother has planned? That must be why he was so upset by the letter. Or did the letter my mother sent to them be different from mine. I need to call a meeting.  
“Thanks Dorian. I’ll see you later.” I smiled at him.  
“Walk away slowly.” Dorian looked up from his book. “I love watching you walk away.” He grinned.  
I smiled and did exactly what he wanted. “Flatter.”   
I walked around Skyhold for a while until I made to my usual hangout and spot to think. The stable rooftop. It’s quiet there and I can watch the clouds without people leaning over me. Asking why I’m lying in the grass. I guess the Inquisitor shouldn’t be lying on the ground. I could almost hate my job for the stupidest reasons.  
I lied myself down and looked up. The sky was back to normal. No green hole. At least I did something right. I don’t know what to do. It’s still too early to call the meeting. It’s not even noon.   
What should I do? Should I confront Cullen about my own stupidity by overlooking something so crucial? I mean I wasn’t planning on marrying the man my mother “found” for me. But now I have someone that my actions affect. Gah! Why now?! Why fall for someone now, Rowen?   
I continued to look up. I placed my hand on my forehead. I do have a few months before the party. Father always holds the party on the night of the first bloom. There’s plenty of time. I’ll send a letter to my father stating that I would love to come home as long as my friends were able to join. It would give everyone a much needed holiday and give me time to think. Also to see if what I have with Cullen will last. By then I can tell my family I’m with someone and won’t need my mother finding me men. It would also be less awkward for Cullen and I when I say it.  
I sat up in a flash. It’s a perfect plan. Nothing can go wrong. Tell Cullen what my mother has planned. Write the letter. Continue with Inquisition business until the party. So perfect.  
I lied back down. Grinning from ear to ear. Some days I’m too smart for my own good. I can’t wait to get my plan into action. I looked up at the sky. There’s no clouds in the sky today to watch. I could feel my eye lids getting heavy. I didn’t fight them. There’s nothing to look at. I could just close my eyes and listen to the noises of Skyhold. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to slowly drift into a blissful sleep.


End file.
